fableblade
04-25-2008, 10:33 PM
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Marty Feldman
Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
Angela Monet
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
Rita Mae Brown
There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.
Josh Groban
Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff.
Anonymous
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Anonymous
Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.
Anonymous
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back
Stephen Wright
I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
Janeane Garofalo
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
Benny Hill
I'm not so sure Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Jack Handey
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
George Gobal
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Anonymous
An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be
Anonymous
A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed
Anonymous
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
Franklin P. Jones
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Stephen Wright
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.
Lynda Montgomery
There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't
Anonymous
Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?
Warren Hutcherson
Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Anonymous
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
Groucho Marx
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Groucho Marx
I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are
Groucho Marx
Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.
Unknown
He who runs behind truck is exhausted, he who runs in front of truck is tired.
Anonymous
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
Gracie Allen
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Stephen Wright
Marty Feldman
Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
Angela Monet
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
Rita Mae Brown
There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.
Josh Groban
Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff.
Anonymous
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Anonymous
Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.
Anonymous
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back
Stephen Wright
I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
Janeane Garofalo
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
Benny Hill
I'm not so sure Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Jack Handey
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
George Gobal
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Anonymous
An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be
Anonymous
A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed
Anonymous
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
Franklin P. Jones
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Stephen Wright
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.
Lynda Montgomery
There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't
Anonymous
Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?
Warren Hutcherson
Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Anonymous
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
Groucho Marx
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Groucho Marx
I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are
Groucho Marx
Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.
Unknown
He who runs behind truck is exhausted, he who runs in front of truck is tired.
Anonymous
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
Gracie Allen
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Stephen Wright